Life's Too Short

Life's too short not to spend time with the people you love while you can.

As I write this, I'm in Japan. For the purpose of keeping this a surprise until I arrive, I'm not posting this until I actually make it home. Yes, I'm going home.

I have been unhappy for weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not continually unhappy--there are plenty of times I am genuinely happy, and far more occasions where I'm simply too busy to be happy or sad. Mostly, it's been a generally air of restlessness around me, of feeling like I'm in the wrong place, that something isn't right, and that I need to fix it. I did it. I took life in my own hands, acted more spontaneously than I probably ever have in my life, and made a decision. I'm sure it was the right decision. I love Taiwan, I love the Fulbright, but taking this trip home is something that I need to do to get my head back on my shoulders. When I come back next week, I promise to do my very best to have my head on straight and dive back into the program full force. In the meantime, I just need a few days.

Thursdays are half days for me--I teach at English Village in the morning, and then find cultural exchange to keep my occupied in the afternoon. I went to lunch with Carolyn and Glen and an old Taiwanese woman restored my faith in rice—it can taste wonderful! It doesn't have to be a flavorless spongy pile. I definitely plan on going back to that particular restaurant again. We also went into Taipei, where Carolyn picked up her suit. I have to say, I now have a much higher appreciation for clothes that fit, and an understanding of the way they should fit. Johnny's work is excellent and I plan to get a custom suit before I leave Taiwan. I went back to Yilan, and tutored my students until 8, when I finally got around to making dinner. Sitting and eating dinner, I thought about everything that had been tumbling around my mind disconnected for the last few weeks. I've been expecting the call most days since I get here. They days I don't feel like I'm expecting it are the days when I'm just too busy to think about everything going on at home, and even then, the thoughts still cross my mind. I've been waiting to go home, knowing I'd get the call.

And then it occurred to me. This time is a gift. It's a gift that no one thought we would see. What the heck am I doing, sitting on my hands, waiting for a call? I think my mind was made up before I even started searching for the tickets. I could go home. Not for long...just for a week. Just long enough. I started looking for a ticket for mid or early November. I expanded my search dates and found it. If I was willing to leave in 12 hours...I could go home now. I clicked confirm. I was on my way. It was 9:30 at night.

I don't think I've ever made such an impulsive decision in my life before. But at the same time, it wasn't impulsive at all. I've been thinking about this for weeks, I haven't been myself. I've noticed it, others have noticed it. After my teaching observation the principal and director mentioned to the professor that I've been thinking about home a lot and wanted to know if there was anything they could do to help me here. I knew that I could take a bus to Taipei...but that the last one out was probably 11, 11:30, midnight at a stretch. I started to pack and try to think. I was lucky that Carolyn came home and helped me sort things out and I was on the phone with other ETAs to find out about getting to the airport and finding a place to stay in Taipei if I took the 11 o'clock bus. She found a 3:20 AM train to get me into Taipei just after 5 in the morning. I could even sleep a little.

I packed, slept maybe two hours, and 3 AM when downstairs to catch a taxi to the train station. 3:30 I was on the train. 6 hours until returning home. I dozed fitfully, always worried that I might miss my stop. The train was an overnight train going from the south of Taiwan all the way to the north (and maybe a little west?). At any rate, I knew that if I was asleep and missed my stop, no one was going to wake me up and tell me it was time to get off the train. I arrived at the station. Did you know there are three major bus terminals around the train station? There's Terminal A, Terminal B, and Taipei Bus Station. As a note, I went to the wrong one, and eventually found my way to the right one and hopped on the express bus to the airport.

9:30 AM Friday morning, 12 hours after realizing that I need to be home, and I need to be home now, I left Taiwan. I'll be back soon. Right now, I'm going to be where I need to be. I feel bad for leaving without the proper 2 weeks notice and getting my paperwork in order, but I'll do that as soon as I have an internet connection and can download the files. By 3 o'clock Friday afternoon local time on the east coast, I'll be home, landing at JFK. My journey will have taken a full 24 hours, from leaving at 3 AM on Friday morning to it actually being 3 AM Saturday morning in Taiwan when I arrive at JFK...but it's worth every minute.

People say it's not what we do that we regret, it's what we don't do. I think if I didn't go home now, I'd regret it. Going home right now, having one more chance for a hug, one more chance to talk...it's worth whatever I need to do.
Life's too short not to spend it with the people you love while you have the chance.